CHRISTMAS COMEDY SPECIAL!
by Face Paint
Summary: One-shot Crack-fic! Sakura wants Sasuke who wants Itachi who wants Naruto who wants Sakura who wants... well... What will happen when mistletoe is is thrown into the mix this Christmas? Shounen-ai! Sasu/Naru, Kaka/Iru, Kisa/Ita!


A/N: I know it's not Christmas anymore, but it was when I wrote it an uploaded it to DA :P (.com)

This is a Christmas Comedy Spinoff from before Sasuke leaves, but after we find out that the Akatsuki is looking for Naruto! We'll have a little Kaka/Iru, a little Sasu/Naru and a little Kisa/Ita! Enjoy!

To say the girls had gone overboard would have been an understatement. Sasuke would have expected this on Valentines day, being buried in Ino's flowers and flooded by Sakura's chocolates one too many times. But Christmas, he had never expected to get out of hand. Of course, the weeks leading up to Christmas he had certainly noticed that everyone had their own private agendas that were suspicious, to say the least. He made a point to stay wary and keep his eyes peeled for any dangerous activity to come.

This year, Ino had ordered an extra-large supply of mistletoe for her flower shop, and under compromise with Sakura, spent the days leading up to Christmas strategically placing mistletoe in locations that Sasuke could be easily jumped and/or cornered. They concocted mischievous plans to satisfy their lips, and stalked Sasuke (more than usual) to determine his most frequented paths.

Naruto, too, upon noticing the mistletoe, had begun devising his own plan to trap a certain pink-haired flower into a kiss. His eyes twinkled with delight, as he marked their Christmas list to Santa with his sole desire (besides becoming hokage) "Kiss Sakura under the mistletoe!"

Meanwhile, not far from Konoha, a certain devious pair of criminals lurked in the shadows, observing the movement of a certain Kyuubi vessel

The fateful day arrived, and a delightful team 7 Christmas party was about to be held! You could only imagine Ino's despair when she learned that the students would be celebrating in teams, not as a class, and she lamented loudly while Sakura internally rejoiced _HIS VIRGIN LIPS SHALL BE MINE! CHANDARO!'_ Naruto, too, smiled devilishly at the prospect of having less competition for Sakura's kiss!

Sakura was the first to arrive. She surveyed the room and hung her mistletoe in the most ideal location: under the doorway to the kitchen. Sasuke would have no choice but to cross under it! (_CHA!_)

Naruto arrived next, bringing a very large pot of steaming ramen! On his way to the kitten he noticed the mistletoe hanging in the doorframe, and nodded devilishly to himself.

"Sakura, I don't know where to put the ramen, can you come to the kitchen and show me, dattebayo?" He smiled at his ingeniousness, and stood waiting to intercept her at the door.

Sakura approached him, and immediately saw through his plan, furrowing her brow haughtily. "Naruto, don't think you can fool me that easily! If you want me to help you with the food, then step away from the doorway first. I have no intention of meeting you under the mistletoe! It is there for Sasuke!" Her eyes sparkled, and Naruto frowned

They sat around awkwardly waiting for Sasuke and Kakashi to arrive. Kakashi would certainly be late, as usual, but Sasuke was still to be accounted for. He was always very punctual, which worried Sakura. Had he seen through her plan? Was he not going to come?

While Sakura pondered his whereabouts, Sasuke surveyed the house cautiously, checking for any booby-traps that might be in place for him then, he spotted it. '_so that was her plan... mistletoe...'_ He looked around for any more of the dangerous plant, and, when satisfied, cautiously entered the room. Sakura leapt up excitedly while Naruto groaned.

"Sasuke! I'm so glad you're here!" '_NOW I CAN FULFILL MY PLAN, CHANDARO!'_ "Here, let me show you to the kitchen!" She smiled a little too revealingly, and Sasuke sighed in annoyance.

"I didn't bring anything. And I'm not hungry." He sat down in a chair on the far side of the room.

"oh.. that's okay.." Sakura's smile faltered. '_It won't be that easy to get away, Sasuke! I will kiss you eventually!'_

The door opened again, and the members of team 7 looked up expectantly for Kakashi

"Hello! Merry Christmas, I'm not interrupting you am I?"

"Oi, Iruka-Sensei! Great hat, Dattebayo!"

Iruka entered the room wearing a silly Christmas hat, holding a pie and a bag of presents! Naruto leapt up to relieve him of the boxes with bows, while eyeing the pie hungrily.

"Iruka-Sensei, how kind of you to have brought us things! You really didn't have to!" Sakura was standing and smiling joyfully, and pointed him to the kitchen, while Sasuke stood quietly, slightly peeved by the festivities and happy faces.

Iruka walked to the kitchen and remained there calling back that he was going to heat the pie in the oven.

The genin sat back down on their respective seats, Naruto trying to inch closer to Sakura while she attempted to sit next to Sasuke, batting her lashes fiercely.

The door opened again, and this time it was Kakashi, book in hand looking as uninterested as usual.

"Ah, sorry I'm late, I ran into Santa's sleigh and had to help him put his presents back into his sack"

His students frowned.

"Oi, Kakashi, you're excuses keep getting worse and worse, dattebayo!"

"... Ah, where's the kitchen? I haven't had breakfast yet"

Sakura frowned and pointed her delusional sensei in the right direction.

They eyed him suspiciously as he walked towards the door, but all caught their breath when they saw him approach the mistletoe, opposite Iruka

"Oh, Iruka! You're here too! Sorry I almost ran into you." Kakashi glanced up from his book smiling at the dolphin, and noticed something hanging above him in his periphery

"It's fine Kakashi! I brought the kids presents, and a pie! It's heating up in the oven."

"How thoughtful of you!" Kakashi felt the bated breath of his students behind him, and looked up to see "Is that?"

Iruka glanced up as well, "Mistletoe?" A warm flush spread to his cheeks as he glanced from the hanging plant to the man standing with him underneath it, then back up to the plant.

"It appears so"

There was momentary silence, until Sakura squee'd from behind them. Naruto and Sasuke both looked at her inquisitively, when she whispered "He'll have to take off the mask to kiss him!" Their eyes widened and both Sasuke and Naruto turned their attention back to the two men standing in the doorway, eyes fixed intently, suddenly captivated.

Kakashi didn't move, and Iruka shuffled nervously, fixing his eyes on the floor below him.

"YOU HAVE TO DO IT!" Both Sakura and Naruto shouted,

"Dattebayo!"

Iruka looked up at his former students, face beat red, to see Kakashi's face, lowered unmasked He didn't have time to register the sight before he was pulled into a deep kiss. His head grew light and his mind swirled into nothingness, loosing all sense of rationality as the heat in his cheeks erupted in his lips and spread through him. All he could feel were strong hands on his back and neck, and soft lips enveloping his own. There was a glance of a warm tongue, before all was pulled away. He stood there swaying precariously, and when his eyes opened again he was met with the vision of Kakashi, mask again pulled over his face, hiding what was sure to be a warm smile and flushed cheeks.

Naruto stood gawking, Sakura had all but passed out, a trickle of a nosebleed gracing her stunned and delighted features, while Sasuke's eyes had glazed over. Unfortunately, Kakashi stood at ijust/i the right angle such that his face could not be seen.

The silence was broken at last by Kakashi.

"Well, Iruka, I'm sure you have some party of your own to be at, with the instructors at the academy, right?. Thank you for the presents and pie. Let me walk you there, it's the least I can do."

Iruka smiled dumbly and they walked out the door, oblivious to the dumbfounded students left standing helplessly in the room, and Kakashi's book lying on the floor, open to some page of promiscuity.

"that was"

"AWESOME!" _CHANDARO_

Both Naruto and Sasuke stared at the glowing Sakura, slightly frightened by the gleam in her eyes.

'_AND NOW IT WILL BE SASUKE AND I NEXT!' _

Her thoughts were interrupted by another knocking at the door

Meanwhile, two S-ranked missing ninjas perched invisibly on a rooftop, eyeing the house in question where a party was being held. Their black and red cloaks fluttered softly in the wind They watched as both instructors they had seen enter earlier left, and were about to make their move now that the threats were gone, when a young blond-haired girl approached the house. It was unnecessary to pull someone else into their business, it would only cause more of a raucus and bring unwanted attention to themselves, so they stayed back. They had plenty of time before Kakashi and the other man returned, as they watched the two of them embrace each other in a frenzy of passion the second they had left the house

"INO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Sakura's eyes were ablaze as she watched her rival enter the room.

"Oh Sakura, a 'Merry Christmas' would have been just fine! I brought you guys something of course! Why else would I be here?" She smiled innocently, and watched Sakura's face writhe acidly.

_'So that is her plan! Ino-pig Clever, but not good enough!'_

Ino looked around the room until she spotted the mistletoe hanging in the doorway to the kitchen. Her eyes narrowed and she smiled to herself.

"Oh, Sasuke, this pie is awfully heavy, and I'm not entirely sure where to put it in the kitchen, do you think you could help me with it?"

Sasuke sighed, his irritation would never cease. He stood reluctantly and led Ino towards the kitchen as Sakura watched in horror, her plans going to ruin.

"WAIT Ino there's already a pie in the oven! Besides.. haha, why bother Sasuke when I'm perfectly capable of helping you!" she laughed nervously and quickly approached the fuming blond.

Naurto, seeing his chance as Sakura approached the mistletoe, bounded up to them.

"Oh, I'll help too, dattebayo!" His plan was to knock Sasuke out of the way and corner the lovely rose-haired girl in the doorway! Unfortunately, he tripped clumsily over his own excited feet and bumped Sakura into Ino, sending both of them stumbling into the kitchen, infuriated. When he regained his footing he found himself standing before a shocked Uchiha under the mistletoe. His eye's widened at his mistake, and he was too busy berating himself internally and hating Sasuke for getting in the way to anticipate the incoming movement.

Sasuke looked at the uncomfortable situation as a moment of opportunity Much as he didn't want to, kissing Naruto might be effective in turning off the girls enough that they'd lay off him, at least for the rest of the day. He abandoned his dignity and moved in for the kill, pressing his lips against the stunned blonde boy's.

There was a shriek of horror, and the two girls flew through them, breaking the kissing boys apart, and fleeing for the door, permanently scarred by the image.

Naruto stood staring at Sasuke, wanting to lash out at him in a hateful frenzy, but unable to. His body was limp and his legs were jello, because, to his horror, he had enjoyed it! Sasuke stood dumbfounded as well, half expecting an onslaught of colorful words and flailing fists. His pale cheeks were deeply flushed for a reason he couldn't quite pin down, and his heart was beating erratically. It wasn't possible that he enjoyed the kiss was it?

Meanwhile, the two delinquents stood as they watched two girls run from the house they were surveying. Perfect.

"Now."

Both boys stepped away from each other once they regained control of their bodies, but before they could react, a swish of black fabric and red clouds appeared before their eyes.

Naruto looked at the two figures before him, completely confused. One was tall, blue, and almost shark-like, while the other wasn't quite as tall, had long dark hair, and looked remarkably like Sasuke. They were both standing in the doorway that he was previously under, and the mistletoe hung just above them, brushing the shark-man's hair.

"ITACHI!"

Naruto had never heard such a sound from Sasuke, nor had he ever seen so much emotion on his face, it was actually quite frightening. All he knew was that the two dudes before him were supposed to kiss, just has we was forced to kiss Sasuke, and just as Kakashi had to kiss Iruka before them. Of course he had to express this fact, so he jumped in and pointed it out

"You're supposed to kiss, dattebayo!"

Sasuke looked at him with wild eyes, as if he had just said something ludicrous, while the two cloaked criminals looked back at him. Kisame looked up at the object bothering his head, "What the?..."

"Mistletoe"

"Kiss! Kiss!"

The Akatsuki partners looked at each other, at the dangling plant, at their chanting target, at the confused and enraged little Uchiha, and back to each other.

"Mistletoe?" Kisame was looking at his partner now, confusion on his face. Itachi muttered back something in reply, to which Kisame shrugged. Before anyone had a chance to react, the shark had pulled his partner into a tight embrace, their lips locked passionately despite Itachi's shock.

All color left Sasuke's face as he watched his bother, his rival and arch-enemy swap spit with a giant blue shark man. Naruto was grinning widely and clapping like a child, and Sasuke fell back into his arms. He might as well have been dead; he just watched the man he dedicated his whole life to murdering lock lips with a fish.

Meanwhile, it appeared that the two supposedly heartless killers had become increasingly caught up in their little lip-action, as sighs began to escape their breath and hands began to roam deviously.

Itachi hadn't kissed anyone in years, and he'd forgotten how lovely it felt. Kisame hadn't kissed anyone since ever He didn't even remember his mom kissing him as a kid. (he was a pretty ugly kid can you blame her?) So this was, to say the least, awesome.

Naruto groaned as he watched the two men continue eagerly it wasn't exactly novel and exciting anymore They parted for a second, looked at him, then back at each other, and then they were gone.

Naruto sighed, a little confused and overwhelmed by the events of the day. It was a strange day, to say the least. But whatever transpired, it certainly wasn't a bad thing. He smiled to himself and sat down, holding the unconscious Uchiha in his arms.

MERRY (belated) CHRISTMAS!

(please forgive me, I'm not yet fully acquainted with all the different mechanisms here on FF... T.T)


End file.
